Lance

 

The lone holder of the Caribbean flag, multi-racial, multi-lingual, multi-cultural, and a cosmopolitan vagrant who has managed to slip past immigration protocols to squat in Calgary, and who troubles the discussions of the better-bred with irreverent punditry.

Books under discussion are fiercely researched and points drawn up for review, debate or merciless dissection. I love books the way a starving kid loves Angelina Jolie’s tit and so I want quality in my reading. In our get-togethers, I look for strife and chaos and controversy, and will unhesitatingly challenge prevailing wisdom and sloppy thinking, or wussy books choices (in my not-so-humble opinion, which may not be the one that counts, but…).  The choice of reading materials must be defended by all (including me). It’s not enough to just “like” a book — I “like” my mother-in-law after a pub crawl: it doesn’t mean I want to discuss her all night.

Among my multitudinous interests, I amuse myself by teetering on the edge of sobriety while not lurching over the abyss into drunkenness, as I prefer to pass my time somewhere in between either of these two precipitous extremes. I’m cheerfully vulgar and possess a crude sense of humour which is somewhat at odds with the purported sophistication to which I pretend.  I love the breadth and subtlety of the English language and like nothing better than to show off by using pollysyllabic words that don’t actually mean anything.  I despise hypocrisy and doublethink (unless they are my own), and having an utter abhorrence for all kinds of physical activity (except the one you’re thinking of), I therefore much prefer armchair sports and activities requiring no exertion and zero thought, for which my current job prepares me admirably

I dabble in photography, art, travel (for which I think I should be paid), and appreciate good writing, and an elegantly crafted argument.  As far as I’m concerned, you’re wrong when you disagree with me (and should be horsewhipped for the crass impertinence of doing so) but will always admire a smoothly specious line of b.s. meant to convince me otherwise.  And I do love my movies. When not discussing books or likker or that other subject, Curt and I are usually wasting time  making up “top-five” lists containing seventeen films (when he isn’t trying to get me to watch “Survivor”.) Depending on my state of sobriety I speak between three and six languages, but can spout impecunious and objurgatory vulgarities in at least seventeen (so look it up).

To the horror of many, alas, I do not really care for whiskies, in spite of everything the Last Hippie is desperately doing to change my allegiance — this may be my heritage coming through, since no West Indian who is a true West Indian will ever bother with anything but rum unless he has been changed abroad. My preference is simply otherwise…and the peaty, smoky flavours of whiskies do nothing for me, unlike a good caramel sweet (and anyone who has seen me scarf Haagen-Dasz can testify to this).  This is why I drink rum, ignore tequila and (at best) nod to vodkas. Let it not be said you weren’t warned.

These days my sojourns to Liquorature are few and far between since I’m once again in a foreign land.  But a chair is always kept for me, and I’ll take up duties full time once a return to Calgary is imminent.

 

 Posted by at 10:21 pm

  15 Responses to “Lance”

  1. Lance is the l’il fella in the pic.

  2. Yeah, that big s.o.b. stole my hat.

  3. Broke out your thesaurus I see!

  4. Sheesh, Lance. A nod to your upbringing would have been nice – just a little Creolese wouldn’t hurt.

  5. It occurred to me, but I nobly refrained. I do that enough when I’m drinking 🙂

  6. I’m curious…kinda surprise why there is no review for any Ron Zacapa rum on your site. Any reason for that? I ask because that is our absolute rum staple around our house. We beg/bribe/plead with friends and family when they go down south to bring it back for us. It’s such a wonderful sweet, easy going sipper that goes down way way too fast. A little dangerous that way. I keep hoping they’ll start to sell it in Canada again. LCBO discontiued it in 2005 and haven’t brought it back since. Not sure why.
    That’s about it.

    Scott

    • Simple enough: I don’t have it because I’ve never found one for sale in Alberta (or any of the other provinces I’ve been in), and I don’t get freebies, or travel enough to go somewhere where it is stocked. It’s been on my list for ages, and I’ve been bitching to all the local stores in Calgary to start stocking it…thus far, no dice.

  7. Hi Lance,

    Please contact me regarding Juan Santos Rums.

    Cheers,
    Nicole

  8. Hi Lance
    Thanks for your review of one of our Caroni rums. I’d just like to clarify, we bought several casks of this fantastic rum and one of them was subsequently bottled by us exclusively for the Co-op in Alberta, Canada (an EXTREMELY discerning group who only pick the best by the way). Any other bottles you have seen which do not have their name on will be from a different cask. Check out the cask number on the label, and you will see.
    Re the price and your comments that because it’s not as expensive as our competitors it can’t be as good, we manage to control our costs by keeping small(currently 3 of us working in the UK and 1 in the US) and by keeping our packaging simple and not changing it very often – what’s in our bottles is the star, not the fancy glass or gift box around it. Also over the 10 years we’ve been in business we’ve managed to build some great relationships with our whisky/rum sources and this all helps to keep our costs down. It is an exclusive single cask product, the very best we could find.
    Keep up the good work.
    Frances Dupuy (1 of the 3 at A D Rattray, Independent Bottlers, Mabyole, Scotland.

    • I really must compliment you on your rum in this instance, and express my admiration for the product…it was one of the first (slightly) overproof rums of a more whisky-like character that I ever wanted to buy several of (Renegades are the other).

      Your comments regarding presentation mirrors that of several friends of mine who would prefer less quality outside the bottle and more within, so to speak: they hate getting dinged for presentation when they can’t drink it. I like to think of the overall aesthetic rather than just focus on the drink, but it appears I’m in a minority on that one 🙂

  9. Great reviews Lance. Quick question: Do you know roughly how much a bottle of ED 25y goes for at Timehri (or anywhere in GT for that matter)? I need to give my MIL my wish list and am working out the budget!

    Not sure if this is the appropriate forum for this query, so apologies in advance if I should have attempted an alternative method of contacting you.

    Thanks!

  10. Hi Jeff

    Not a clue, I’m afraid – I haven’t been back to Guyana for many years. That said, a friend of mine noted he picked up a bottle in May at the Duty Free in Cheddi Jagan for ~$250, which sounds about right. If you’re the slightest bit leery about that kind of cash, I think the 21, for less than a hundred bucks, is also a very good buy, though drier and not quite as sweet. Good luck and have fun sipping.

    • Thanks. I have the 21 yo already. I took a bottle of the 15yo on a camping trip and everyone couldn’t stop talking about how good it was. FWIW they were more a scotch crowd, but open-minded. Just not sure if I am up for $250 US. (If it was $GD…no problem!)

  11. How can I get in touch with you guys? I do PR for one of your local brands (Alberta Premium) and would love to connect. margaret@praxispr.ca

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